/gen/ - General

I have given up on finding love or finding a relationship in my life (M, early twenties)

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KA

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Disclaimer Posting this from a throwaway account because I might give involuntarily some identifying information here and I don't want my main account to be associated with it. This is something between an offmychest and a rant and if sensitive topics offend you, please feel free to stop reading. This isn't a well-thought out post, it's more of a type-as-I-think type post. Background I just came back from a walk around my area, went through some popular hangout spots. Think busy junction with street food and restaurants near an area where a lot of the IT crowd, mostly under 30 lives in Bangalore. I've done this before, many times. But today is different. Things haven't been great for me for a long time but there was one thing which seemed to make it all okay, which is my career. I didn't really love the work I did or the people I worked with, but man, did it pay well. I said "didn't" and not "don't" because I got fired from my job, all of a sudden, without any severance recently. This is what was different and I when I see most of the people around me happy in love, sharing food with their partners, holding hands, laughing and skipping, something in me flips, which is why you have to see this crap on your feed. Who tf are you, man?! I'm a man who has never found love in life. No relationships, no hookups, no FWB, no situationships, nothing. Did great in school, so decided to take science. Didn't really think much of this love thing in school. Anyways, the only people who I saw getting into relationships in school were the deadbeats, so didn't think much of it. Had a crush on a girl in 10th class, gave her too much attention which was never reciprocated, ended up confessing and getting rejected. For some reason, she decided to make a mockery of it. Didn't catch her drift back then, i.e. didn't realize "Oh I missed your message" meant "Ignored you, took the screenshot and shared it to our girls group where we had a jolly good laugh about it" but I realize how stupid I was back then. But whatever, moving on, took the JEE route, went underground and grinded my ass off for 2 years. Yeah, people around me were getting into relationships and stuff, but I never cared much about it cause I was motivated to crack the entrance and kept my head down. Switched off social media and lost contact with everyone from school except a few folks, no regrets there. Managed to crack JEE and got a pretty good seat in one of the best colleges of the country. Time to put myself back in the ocean… (contd in comments)

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KA

I actually had a pretty good social life when college started, which went downhill as time passed because of reasons beyond my control. People say it sucks to have a poor social life, but I feel it's worse to have a good one and then see it turning to shit in front of your eyes as time passes you by. And the one reason for this was people starting to date within stupid college 'groups'. They inadvertently end up having ugly breakups and forcing people around you to pick sides, which ends up fracturing the 'group'. I was trying to put myself out there, find new interests, explore stuff and still excel at acads. Didn't really have the time or even the desire to get into a relationship. The girls I talked to, my girl friends soon became my friends' girlfriends. I blinked and first year was over and everyone was in a relationship. "Whatever man, I'm just 18, life has just started." Things were fine, this was probably where my college life peaked cause it's all going to the gutter from here. Come second year and I lost the first thing I had managed to shine in till now, my acads. Most people had found their niche, be it some sport, some cultural activity, some college fest, acads, dev or whatever but I was still in explore-and-exploit mode, so I was spread too thin and managed to screw up my acads. As more breakups happened, people found their niches, my social life started becoming more and more fractured. "It's alright, still got 2 more years of college and I know this rodeo now." Come third year and this is where shit gets real. Manage to mess up my internships but still end up scraping up somehow. At this point, I've realized that I have 0 grace, so no point in trying dance anymore, not really interested in college politics and stopped wasting time in 'exploring' and focusing on what matters now. By this point, I've started using dating apps but more on that later. I've also faced 'implicit rejections' by now (not getting rejected straight up, but the same ol' ignoring messages, 1 word replies, avoiding contact and stuff). "Ummm okay, maybe I'm doing something wrong, let's talk to people." Turns out, everything about me is wrong. The way I dress, the way I groom, the way I talk, what I eat, what I do, how I look etc. I am told that everything about me is wrong, so this is when I embark on the greatest 'personality development' mission of my life, something which is probably going on to this date. Well, okay, I'm a better person now, so things will start working out now, right? If that's what you think, then you've probably misread the title of this post lmao. More rejections and finally comes fourth year. Remember how I fucked up my internships? Yeah, so I have to burn myself out for placements. Many of the people around me got pre-placement offers and are basically using last year as a vacation to fuck around as much as they want. Meanwhile I'm sleeping 6 hours a day, skipping meals, giving infinite tests while balancing regular college acads just to land a fucking job. I do end up getting a decent-ish job and decide that last sem is when I'm going to finally make it. Yeah, that didn't happen lmao. Just got rejected from more places, but as someone who had been through the worst placement season in years, I was used to rejection now. At this point, even the incels around me had started getting into relationships while I was still convincing myself that I just needed to invest more in 'personality development', just a little more and even I'd become attractive. The shit I said to myself makes me cry even today. Obviously, nothing ever happened. Didn't go to any of the couple events which take place for final year students cause I couldn't find a partner. By now, the realization had started creeping in, that college is essentially the last real chance you get to find a partner in a safe environment. I'll defend this opinion to death. But whatever, college is over now, time to move to Bangalore and start earning I guess. (cont)

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KA

I've spent the last 2+ years over here, with a diminishing social life and no love at all. Don't really have any hope as well. There's aren't really any avenues to find love at all in my life, like college. You seem like a miserable incel, why tf would anyone date you? I hear you man. Now before I continue, you might think at different points that I am being boastful, dismissive or whatever because I say statements of the form 'I am XYZ'. Starting now. One thing I pride myself for is my self-awareness. I can see myself through unbiased lens, both positive and negative traits. I believe that I am undateable because I have maxxed out the traits I can but I lost out on all the things I cannot control. In a way, attractiveness can be modelled as (base traits) ^ (acquired traits). If you have great base traits, then you obviously have a head start and every acquired traits make you much more attractive, but if your base traits are zero, anything you spend time, effort or money on will do nothing because 0^anything is still 0. What do I mean? Well, I am dark-skinned, and despite the virtue-signalling which happens online about skin colour not mattering, it is a serious factor which people consider unattractive. I am not tall, yes, above average but not 6 ft tall. I have thinning hair and a receded hairline, something which is the biggest turn off for most women. I am rich (by most absolute standards in a country where the annual income is 3L) but not the generational wealthy which allows me to flex my money. I don't really have any attractive features like dimples, curly hair (barely have hair lmao), sharp jawline or green eyes. On the other hand, I have been working out consistently for years and am also a runner, which makes me fitter than 95% of the people out there. I take my diet and fitness very seriously. I don't drink or smoke, which I thought was a virtue but is a curse in the world of dating in Tier-1 cities. I consider myself a very smart person, not just academically. I am well-read, hell, I read classics man. I don't use Instagram or Snapchat, which again, I thought was a virtue but it is a curse. I (used to) earn more than 99% of the people my age and am genuinely good with money. I have great taste in music. I am well-traveled. For fuck's sake, I'm writing this whole post without ChatGPT or even spell-check! I am genuinely a kind person who cares for society beyond just themselves and actually practice what I preach. I am responsible and respectful of others. Whatever I can do right, I either do it right or at least try to do right when it comes to being dateable. But nothing fucking matters, because girls around me, girls my age would rather date the cute degenerate who still takes money from daddy or the 6 ft asshole who cheats on every girl he dates. I've never been a creep or a m*lester, yet I know literal, actual m*lesters who've been in multiple, happy, long-term relationships. As a reader, I wouldn't blame you for thinking that I am a horrible person who cannot see others happy. You might think that I deserve to be lonely because I am a broken person, but I assure you, it's the other way round, the constant rejection is what broke me. I just find it difficult to trust anyone now. I cannot understand what is it about me that repels women so much. I am told I am unattractive because I'm short, but the dude who is able to find love again and again. For every reason that I've been given, "You are unattractive because you are X", I have examples for someone who is X-er than me, yet has managed to make it. It feels like everything is a deal-breaker flaw with me yet a single feature with someone is enough to justify them being boyfriend material. I've been genuinely trying to break this down but nothing makes sense. I don't even know if the features I'm looking at are wrong or if it's my model which is trash. (Part 3 continued)

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Hey, don't lose hope, just <insert generic advice> It's not gonna work, man. "Just lift bro", yeah I've been lifting for years now, I look visibly different. Sure, I don't have great genetics, but I've made the best of what I have. "Put yourself out there bro", yeah, fuck this advice. It's the most useless advice out there. I've been putting myself out there for years. Do you know who's out there? It's just single guys like me. It's girls who are not looking to date and girls who don't even want to be approached. It's uncles and aunties Dateable girls my age don't put themselves out there. I've tried it all, social circles, events, clubs etc. Sure, I found new hobbies through it, but love? Never. I don't understand how these environments are any different, like a person who's unattractive in general is going to be unattractive in a book club as well! "Stop trying so hard", yeah and how does that help? Dating apps deserve a rant of their own. They are the worst thing you can do to your self-esteem. "Just put good prompts bro", yeah this is shit advice if you're not conventionally good-looking. How do I know this? Because I've experimented a lot with dating apps. When I put photos of an attractive person with the same prompts I use, I more likes than I've ever received in months, in a matter of hours. When the face in the photos is 'hot', even your name becomes unique or hot, your personality becomes 'interesting'. "Get the right photos", yeah sure, I will maxx out my photos, but that will still not fetch any likes. Dating apps are where I've seen people install them on a Friday evening and go on dates on Saturday/Sunday while I've used them for months and not even managed to get 2-3 matches, let alone a date. Honestly, I can rant about dating apps for hours, but let's end it here, I've tried it out, it doesn't work. Conclusion I'm probably a terrible, wicked person because I am an 'involuntary celibate'. I know that and I genuinely feel like I don't want to have such a dark outlook towards women and relationships but it just keeps reinforcing itself. I've tried living the monk life, but yeah, shit doesn't work. I've seen people around me get in and out of relationships, move ahead in life, while I've just been there clapping for them when they're finding love, getting ignored when they find love and being the shoulder when they break up. I've been told, maybe sarcastically, to just wait for arranged marriage and I hate that idea from the bottom of my heart. Honestly, I sometimes feel like I live in a different world. The world I see is the world where even chhapris can get love, people manage to date through Reddit, dating apps work like a charm, people get married after meeting at a pub and there's the world I live in, where right decisions warrant punishment. I know that the scales are not in my favour as a man, but I'm just tired of trying and beating myself up over it. I've lost hope from women and our society for the repeated blows to my self-respect. That's why I'm writing this long ass post on a random subreddit on a Sunday night (I'm jobless, so I don't have to wake up tomorrow morning, remember?). Are there more folks like me out here? I don't know why I'm doing this really. This thing has been a burden to me for over 5 years and I've tried the usual BS advice, write it down, manifest, write it down and burn it, talk to a friend etc. Nothing has worked, maybe this will be the redemption I need. Also, fuck Reddit for not allowing me to post this. Opened Reddit and immediately saw posts by some whore complaining about her boyfriend and another whore saying how she found the best guy on Reddit.

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KA

>>5216 Not a practical solution bro. I just feel it's over.

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KA

>>5211 >For fuck's sake, I'm writing this whole post without ChatGPT or even spell-check! why does this pajeet think ts is an achievement?