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just realized my subhuman status
vpGMY/
No.390387
Last year year in March, as I turned 29, I decided to give UPSC one more try and prepare for UPSC 2025. I had been preparing on and off since 2020 but since I wasn't serious so I failed every attempt I gave. You could say I wasn't serious or maybe I was struggling with internet addiction, ADD, and poor work ethics. Since 2023 I had also gotten a job so my time and energy was divided between my preparation and the job. I guess overall you could say I was a subhuman who was never meant to be anything other than an insignificant wageslave. I tried, but my entire year of 2024 was spent trying to stick to my targets and ending up spending time on my phone or just wandering aimlessly.
On my 30th birthday this year and with prelims just 50 or so days away i realized I had wasted the entire year of 2024 and had no chance. Frustrated and pissed off I decided to kms but then decided to give it one final chance in UPSC 2026 (my final attempt). I skipped the 2025 attempt, deleted all social media, unsubscribed from all OTT I had, decided to create a study schedule and stick to it no matter what. I stopped socialising IRL, stopped talking to my colleagues would literally finish my assigned work then go to a small library my office has, sit there and study. I created a day schedule and stuck it to my wall, as well as a calendar to keep track of time (picrel). I had thought: whether I make it or not in the end I would this year give this attempt my best, will have no regrets, in 2027 I would be overage anyways.
Well, it's the end of 2025 now. How have I fared? Quite bad. I still am unable to study for more than 2-3 hours a day on office days. On Sundays I'm able to do 6-7 hours. My syllabus is still pending while all other competitors would have finished the syllabus by now and begun their revision and mock tests for prelims. There are topics I haven't even touched, while there topics I had finished but have now forgotten because I didn't revise them enough. With prelims just 5 months away, my workload is immense, and I am finding covering remaining syllabus, doing mocks and revising old stuff challenging. Desperation is slowly creeping in.
I was just looking at this calendar i had pasted to my wall last year, and it suddenly struck me like a flash of lightning: the reason I am failing is not because I don't work hard, it's because I can't work hard. I am literally a subhuman who doesn't have it in me to achieve anything worth mentioning. All I can do I small odd jobs, maybe a bank clerk or a municipality clerk or maybe a sales executive. Anything that requires academic excellence is out of my reach because I literally don't not have what it takes. No amount of hard work, planning, scheduling, self-help videos, social media detox, journalling etc etc will help me. If I had what it takes I wouldn't have needed all this. I could have smoked drank and easily sailed through any exam. But since I do not have the god given ability to clear UPSC or JEE or even state civil service, I am struggling and will always struggle. I will always be unhappy, I will always fall short, I will always be a nobody.
I am, literally, clinically, by definition: a subhuman.
vpGMY/
No.390390
>>390387(OP)
You see that little target at the bottom of the 2024 calendar that says "end of core GS syllabus"? That was my original goal last year. To finish the syllabus by December and have the 5 months of 2025 for revision and practice. It's now December of 25 and my GS syllabus is still pending.
vpGMY/
No.390397
>>390392
I wrote it myself. Why do you think it's cooypasta?
N6/LMa
No.390399
>>390397
my bad sirs NEETlife has made me so numb I am unable to feel empathy
what is ur current job? salary?
vpGMY/
No.390404
N6/LMa
No.390406
vpGMY/
No.390409
>>390406
It's a shitty government school in a village
I live all alone
No girl from my hometown is ready to do arranged marriage with me because they don't want to move this far.
I feel lonely.
N6/LMa
No.390418
>>390409
No chance for any transfer?
vpGMY/
No.390421
N6/LMa
No.390425
FEVPKt
No.390434
jV172T
No.390441
>>390404
Betichod you have a decent jab why do you want to kys over some gober exam
Scdbs2
No.390442
>>390387(OP)
you can do it yara have faith in yourself.
aFRwj6
No.390752
>>390444
Are you unironically saying being a schoolteacher teaching village kids is better than being an IAS? Damn this board fell off.
Scdbs2
No.390798
>>390752
lurk more everyone knows i hate parasites which are babus and ias are biggest parasite in this country.
they have zero honor. a person without honor is no person at all.
Scdbs2
No.390799
on that record now i realize op is aspirational parasite so i have no sympathy for op either now.
X+yoMQ
No.390875
